Don’t give a F about everything.
Don’t fall in love with the results, fall in love with the process instead.
Don’t be a crybaby, stand up and take the responsibility for your problems.
The Subtle Art of not giving a F is an unconventional self-help book. When almost all the self-help books focus on doing ‘something’, this book focuses on “Not Giving A F!” on doing something. Sounds peculiar? Yes, it is! Here is the summary of the best lessons I learned from the book.
What’s wrong with giving a f about something?
The author Mark Manson questions the idea of self-help. We pick up a book on self-help advice to make ourselves better. Books like ‘How to win friends and influence people?’, ‘Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion‘ etc are termed as ‘Must Reads’ for people who want to improve their interpersonal skills. These books are so famous that they are international bestsellers of all time. So what is wrong with reading self-help books? Well, according to ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F’, reading more and more of self-help just reinforces the idea within you that you are not good at something. The more you want to improve yourself, the more scope of improvement is waiting for you out there. Ultimately you are bringing more dissatisfaction in your life by worrying about your shortcomings.
If you observe closely, then you will find that this idea is true for other aspects of our life also. Think of yourself as a consumer, until you do not about the existence of a product in the market, you do not want it. Think about the car you want to have. Until you did not know about that car you were good without it. And after you discovered it, you want it. Now the more you think about it, the more you want it. Its absence in your life makes you unhappy and you feel deprived because you cannot afford it. Therefore the more you think about something you do not have, the more deprived you feel. After a few years when you finally have that car, you will find that there is another car which is far better than this one. Now you want that, but it is not possible to have all the cars in the world. And the matter of the fact is that, even if you get all those cars in the world, you would never be able to use them all equally.
When you don’t have problems, your mind invents them!
Our brain has the tendency of inventing problems when we don’t have them. Problems like not having a girlfriend, not having a flashy cell phone, not having clothes which are trendy enough are just fake problems that our mind has created because we don’t have real problems. We should stay aware of this malfunctioning of our brain to live a happier life. Think about the problems being faced by people in countries which are controlled by terrorists, dictators. Think about the problems being faced by the army which is living away from their families in difficult terrains so that we can live peacefully. So you need to learn the subtle art of not giving a f about such insignificant desires which cannot be considered as problems. If you will keep paying attention to such small inconveniences then they are never going to end.
You have limited f to give.
This is the most important fact of our life which we always forget. The fact that we are all going to die very soon. We have very limited time. Now this time can either be enjoyed or it can be wasted in giving a f about everything. Therefore focus on the things which actually worth your attention. If you read my blogs on the books named ‘The One Thing‘ and ‘The 4 Hour Workweek’ you will easily understand how to figure out what requires your attention and what does not?
Your life is very precious. It is the most valuable gift which you have received from the God. Don’t make your life ugly but make it beautiful. What do you think you are making out of your life by giving a f about every single thing in your life? I will tell you, you are making your life miserable. Are you going to waste this precious life by making it complete misery? No, my friend! When you know that you live only once and the end of this life is inevitable then you do not waste it like this. You make it as beautiful as you can. If you want suggestions then I will suggest you to watch The Big Lebowski and learn from the dude.
Don’t love the results, love the process instead
We fall in love with the results because we associate our success with them. We struggle hard and go through many unpleasant arduous processes. We face so much pain because we badly want the result which will come out of the process. Many of us enroll in courses which have a better scope of high paying jobs. We fall in love with the idea of having a high paid job and therefore we throw ourselves in a course which we do not like.
But most of the times, giving a f about the results and not about the process drowns you in the river of failures. New fitness lovers join gyms enthusiastically but give up building their body in a few months, are the example of people who fall in love with results and do not give a f about the process. They fantasize about the body they want to build but forget about the pain which is necessary to be faced with building the body of their dreams.
Falling in love with the results also keeps us away from happiness. We believe that we will be happy once we get a certain result, but a human mind is merely so sorted out. Our needs are never going to end and getting what we want is never going to make us happy forever. Therefore we need to love the process to be happy. We need the problems which we enjoy solving. We need to do what we enjoy doing and only then we can live a happy life. Because loving what you do is loving the process.
When you love the process then you enjoy doing it. When you enjoy doing something then you do it more and more. Doing something repeatedly makes you an expert. Imagine what will happen if you start enjoying exercise? You will exercise regularly, as a result, you will always maintain a fit body. All this will happen when you are happily enjoying the process of exercising. The fir body will be the effortless result of the enjoyable process.
Not giving a f about who you are
This is about your ego. The moment your ego grow upon you, you quit learning. If you will think that you are the supreme being who knows everything, you will stop listening to others. You will start living in denial. Therefore you may be a highly educated person or a highly renowned man in a specific field or you may have a title which says you have enormous wisdom, you should not give a f about it.
Keeping his ego aside, if a person believes that he knows a little and there are tremendous opportunities out there to learn, such a person will keep learning and keep growing.
Taking the responsibility for your problems.
As we know that problems are inevitable, trying to avoid them makes no sense. Complaining about them and playing the victim card is also not going to help you in any way. So instead of being controlled by your problems, it is wiser to take responsibility and control them. When facing the problem, instead of crying over it and complaining that why problems always come in your way, think about its solution. Taking the responsibility for your problems don’t only make you stronger, but it also makes you smarter. Just like our brain became stronger and sharper in calculations by solving mathematical problems, it will get stronger and sharper in routinely situations by solving life problems.
So these were the lessons which I learned from the book. I felt these lessons to be worth sharing so I wrote this post. I hope you will also feel the same and share this post in your circle.
You can buy this book from Amazon by clicking on the image below.
Also, if you are an introvert person like me then I have a very insightful article for you, please read it and know yourself better.